The goal of couples counseling is for the couple to ‘meet’, i.e., that they can activate their resources to allow their needs to be shown to the other party responsibly and honestly and, therefore, satisfy them as far as possible. We are talking about the need to communicate, affection, of reciprocity, of intimacy, of trust... etc.
One of the themes to be addressed in couple therapy is our beliefs about what "to be a couple" means. Many couples respond with a "living together", "having sexual intimacy", etc., and all will be right, although we need to take into account that these beliefs are not universal truths that work alike in all couples. Therefore, during our sessions, we will pay attention to:
- Being aware that everything I do or stop doing affects the other party. This implies, on the one hand to realize firsthand the effect of my partner in me and on the other hand, to accept my responsibility for my effect on my partner.
- It is necessary to feel the reciprocity because, in a couple, love is NOT unconditional. In this sense, the couple will be reinforced in the process of establishing a series of agreements to accept mutual accountability on "keeping the flame alive".
Acknowledgment of our beliefs as such, shaping the map of what is acceptable and not acceptable in THIS couple; thus freeing us from the feeling of shame towards the external judgment. The problems in each couple and how to solve them are their own and the solution might not always be staying together.